Today was a big day in the life of Cameron.
He started kindergarten.
I remember the day Colin started like it was yesterday. (I remember how Cameron was such a goofball all day, making me laugh at every turn. Even at three years old, he knew Mommy was sad--and he knew he was just the boy to cheer me up!) I know all parents say that about every milestone, but I really feel like I blinked and two years have passed.
Though I shed several tears yesterday, and quite a few (in hiding) today, I did much better today than I did with Colin--but, in all fairness, Cameron was only gone for an hour and a half. Monday is the first full day--so, we'll see if I'm singing the same "I'm okay!" tune then. *grin*
To start the day, I grounded myself with my normal morning quiet time. I knew I would need it, and it was amazing--my daily reading was from Jeremiah, where I came across some of my favorite verses of all time: verses 11-14 of chapter 19. They read:
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good, and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days, when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me; I will be found by you," says the Lord.
It was very moving and comforting to me to know that, even in what would be considered a very mild trial of 'losing' my child to school, God's promise was for good things in my life, and in Cameron's....and that He was listening. Even when there was no audible speech--He was listening to the sound of my tears hitting the bathroom floor when I couldn't muster any words to pray. He knows all of our griefs, and promised to carry us through--the big ones and the little ones.
I quietly hugged him goodbye, told him I would be back in an hour, and slipped out of the room. As much as I thought it would get easier with each child, today proved just the opposite. Good thing I kept that Kleenex from before handy. I needed it.
We got back home. To the mess from the scurry of the morning; to the dark of the house from the cloudy day; to the quiet.
Too much quiet.
And I shed a few more tears.