Hearts at Home

For the last couple of years, I have been able to attend a great women's conference called "Hearts at Home".  It is a conference designed specifically for mothers, and each year I leave refreshed and encouraged. I was so excited to get another chance to go this year with two of my dearest friends! 

On Friday night, we headed over to Bloomington to begin our adventure. We found our hotel and unloaded, went to dinner, and then made our way to the ISU campus for the start of the conference.

Laura, Jen (you may recognize her from my cruise pictures!) and I

waiting in line to get our registration packets

We had the chance to go to a hilarious event called "Mom's night out". They started the night with a skit that had us all rolling!  Two moms, each wearing a sling filled with a 10-pound sack of potatoes and a backpack filled with bricks (to simulate the "pregnancy pounds" they had put on before having their baby) had to put together a pack and play. The one who could do it the fastest--keeping one hand on her sling with the 'baby' inside at all times--won!

One drawback to the night was the that air conditioning wasn't working. 

Who would think you would need a/c in the middle of March? Only in Illinois!! 

Jen, demonstrating how hot she was :)

Musical guests Abide. These ladies used to sing in the group Sierra, which I listed to growing up!

This, I thought, was amazing....the Hearts at Home band had a drummer 

who was wonderful--and only in eighth grade!!

One of the most special things about the conference for me was that I got to meet and spend time with a dear friend who I have been corresponding with for several years. Carolyn and I found each other (somehow...man, I don't even remember now, it's been so long ago!!) shortly after I lost my little one in December of 2007. She had also miscarried around the same time, and we bonded through that.

She was a missionary in Mexico (at the time--she is home in the states now along with her husband and four absolutely adorable little boys) and we began an email/facebook/blogging friendship that has continued to deepen over the years.  We both got pregnant around the same time--me with Lola, and her with Hudson--and were able to share most of our pregnancies together.  Now, we are both raising families of four with two of the cutest two-year-olds on the planet!

We talk weekly and it was so neat getting a chance to meet her and spend time together in person.
She was just as awesome as I always knew she was, and I thank God for our friendship!

The fun continued with 3-2-1 Improv comedy. In this scene, the "wife" was mad at her husband for buying a motorcycle without asking her first. (Oooooh, I know....awful, right?) The two on the left were acting out the scene, and the one on the right was trying to guess what was going on. Hysterical!

After the comedy, we needed some milkshakes. :)

Jen wanted to make sure she had the booth all to herself.

The next morning, we were treated to the keynote speakers of the conference: 

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar.

The Duggars were really awesome. I believe they really get a bad rap in our society because of the lifestyle choice they have made, but truly--they are the real deal. They have struggles just like we do (and have thought at times 'what have we done!'), but they simply continue to rely on the Lord each and every day to carry them through. I immensely enjoyed hearing their testimony, and was very encouraged to do my best to continue to raise my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord!

The day was full of great workshops. Because our Sunday School class is specifically geared towards marriage and family, this year I chose to take NO parenting sessions. I chose instead to learn about everything from adult friendships to money saving to fashion, and really enjoyed my time in those classes.  I felt like I came away with a lot of practical knowledge--and a few big ideas for things I'd like to change!  I also had the chance to have lunch with Carolyn, and spend some more time talking with her.  Maybe I will write a little more in depth soon about my favorite things I learned in those workshops.

Pretty soon it was time for the closing session, where were were encouraged once again to seek wisdom from God's word. This session is probably the one that impacted me the most.  God's wisdom is there, just waiting for us to find! And God will show us if we seek it and ask of Him.

One other great thing--our friend Stephanie was able to join us on Saturday! 

She grew up at our church, but now she and her husband are serving in the Air Force out in 

Las Vegas. It is always wonderful when she comes home, and this was a special treat 

that we got to enjoy some of the conference with her!

I would love to encourage the Mommies reading this to check out the Hearts at Home website. There are a few conferences, each in different parts of the U.S., during the year. If you would love a refreshing weekend away while still learning some great practical parenting advice and widening your Biblical knowledge on a variety of subjects, it's a great resource!

10 stress strategies every mom needs--part two

I was lucky enough to be able to attend the Hearts at Home national conference this year. This was by far my favorite workshop, given by Jill Savage herself. Over a small series of posts, I'm going to share the tips that impacted me the most.  You can catch part one here.  I mean, I didn't need these or anything--I'm just sharing in case any of you have those kind of days. M'kay?


3. Learn to say NO.

Doesn't that just conjure up an image of Nancy Reagan?

This is a concept I really, really struggle with. But I am learning that not being able to say NO to things leads to a Mommy who is spread much too thin--and that is good for no one.

Several weeks ago, we had a crazier-than-usual week: ball practice on Monday and Tuesday, church Wednesday, a church to clean on Thursday night (we have recently taken over our church's janitorial duties), a church activity on Saturday (which I attended with the children by myself because Shane was out of town working the entire weekend), church itself on Sunday morning and Sunday night.  (It really sounds like I am singling out church activities, but I promise--I mean all activities across the board!)

It was a lot of activity.

That same week, Colin had been invited to a Sunday afternoon birthday skating party. It was important to him, and I said YES to letting him go.

One of Jill's main points about learning to say NO was to "carefully consider the brain space {and the physical stamina!} that this YES will require." We should "step away from the peer pressure, evaluate, and then answer."

I failed to do that. Big time.

In reality, agreeing to simply 'let Colin go to a party' was actually agreeing to
1. load up everyone by myself
2. head to the skating rink straight after church
3. stay there from 1-4 p.m. and attempt to help three very unsteady boys skate while corralling their just-walking sister
4. fly home to grab some food for the kids and myself, and then fly back to church by 5 p.m. for choir practice and our evening service
all while already physically and emotionally drained by the events of the week, and all while being by. my. self.

I bet it would come as no surprise that I collapsed in a heap of tears that Sunday evening. I was stressed out and exhausted. Correction--I had allowed myself to become stressed out and exhausted.


And, I vowed right then to never say YES again on the spot. To never say YES because of peer pressure. To never say YES simply for fear of disappointing someone.

Jill said: "When you say NO, don't think you have to give a long list of excuses."

But don't we all do that?

"I can't .... I  have to ....  and we are going to be .... and I've got to do ..... fill in the blank."


We give excuses because we fear what people will think of us when we say NO.  I think a great answer, when you need to say NO, is to simply and kindly state the facts: "Thank you for thinking of me, but I can't at this time."

We have to remember that saying NO allows others an opportunity to say YES! There are people everywhere who are doing things--serving in schools and churches and many other places--because there was someone before them who couldn't, and they stepped up to the plate.

Jill pointed out something I'd never thought of before: that we may be 'capable', but we may not be 'called'.

I know that that is exactly my problem.  I see a need somewhere; I know that I could do a pretty good job of filling that need; and then I jump in without weighing the ramifications on myself and my family.  But just because I can do something doesn't mean I should.


Isn't it better to do a few things really well than to do too many things poorly, simply because you are spread too thin from trying to do too much?


Learn to say "NO".  How are you at this? What tips can you give on how you handle saying "NO" in your life?

10 stress strategies every mom needs--part one

I was lucky enough to be able to attend the Hearts at Home national conference this year. This was by far my favorite workshop, given by Jill Savage herself. Over a small series of posts, I'm going to share the tips that impacted me the most.  I mean, I didn't need these or anything--I'm just sharing in case any of you have those kind of days. M'kay?

1. Take a day off. 

Doesn't that just sound impossible? But yet, glorious?  I--like most mothers, I'm sure--get a day off if I'm violently sick. When I'm lucky enough for that violent sickness to fall on a Saturday, when Shane is home. *sigh*

I thought this was a super idea, for those who can do it.  Trade a day of the week with a friend who is willing to keep your children, and you get a whole day to yourself.  Next week, she gets a day and you keep her brood.

This works fab, I think, if you have a smaller number of kids, or if you and your friend both have an equal number.  But, for me--who has more kids than any of my friends!--it's not really doable on a weekly basis. I always feel guilty: "Can I trade my four for your one or two!?"  Though, I'd definitely be getting the sweet end of the deal if I could make that one work.

2.  Increase the white space in your life.

Love, love, love this one.  'White space' meaning the area of your life (think margins in a book) where there is nothing going on.  Without those margins, reading a book would be much more difficult! Everything would probably end up being a jumbled mess--and that is how my life can feel when I am trying to pack too many things into it on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. 

My favorite point of this tip was that sometimes, we have to say NO to good things in order to find the BEST thing for our family.  We have to set limits (and each family's are different) on both our and our kids' activities.  Saying yes to too many things will lead to an eventual meltdown.

And I do that far too much for my or my family's good.

Jill suggested that one major thing and one minor thing was enough to be going on in your life at any particular point.

Major--your weekly responsibilities.  Things that require a great deal of effort and commitment from you on a weekly basis.  For me, one example would include my music ministry at church--preparing for special music (either accompanying a soloist on the piano or singing myself); the weekly offertory (which I play the piano for most every week); attending choir practice and occasionally playing piano for the choir (which would include more practice time at home than on a normal week); and, starting in late October of every year, preparing and practicing for our annual children's Christmas program.

That is a lot of work--and it's not the only major on my agenda right now, tsk tsk.  I'm working on that.

Minor--your occasional responsibilities.  Think being a room mother at your child's school.  This may require one day per month, or maybe cupcakes here or there for a party--but it is not going to be a constant burden on your schedule.

Which leads me to number three, which we'll discuss in the next post:

3.  Learn to say NO.

How do you manage to carve time for yourself? And what do you do in your life that enables you to increase the white space?

Encouragement for Moms

Courtesy of Jill Savage
{Her preschooler said to her,} "Mom, listen to me." I told him I was listening to him and I repeated back to him the details of what he had told me. "No mom," he responded, "listen to me with your eyes." Continued on her blog.....




Jill had some amazingly wonderful things to say today about communicating with your children. It was a wonderful read, and I thought some of you may enjoy it! Hop on over to her blog and check it out!

Also, Jill has written a wonderful book called, Real Moms, Real Jesus. (You can get it here, if you'd like.) To be perfectly honest, I had no idea the depth of knowledge I was going to be diving into when I began this book. I am so, so glad that I picked it up at Hearts at Home.

What does Jesus understand about the life of a Mom? Only everything! I have been so encouraged and refreshed by this book, and am only in the middle of chapter one.

Jill is going to be hosting a book discussion starting next Tuesday on her blog. The chapters aren't long at all, so there is more than enough time to grab the book and hop on in!

I already can't wait to get started. Even if you start a chapter or two behind, it will still be worth it. Will you join me in the discussion?

One of the funniest things I saw at Hearts at Home....

HA!

Can anyone relate?

(click the picture if you can't see it really well....)

The *Can-Do* Mom

One of the workshops that I went to at the Hearts at Home conference was called Can-Do Mom.

It was all about: Perfectionism.

Perfectionist? Me? Oh, nononononono.

*****************************************************************************************************************

Quiz: Are you a perfectionist? Answer Yes, Sometimes, or No.

1. Do I spend time evaluating myself?
2. Do I think in terms of ALL or nothing?
3. Do I think I should have my act together by now?
4. Do I wonder why other people don't have their acts together by now?
5. Do I have expectations that are unrealistic considering my surroundings?
6. Is good rarely good enough?
7. Am I compelled to straighten out misunderstandings?
8. Will I NOT begin something if I think there is a possibility that I will not do it well?
9. Do I feel that, most of the time, God is disappointed with me?
   

If you answered yes to more than three of those questions, you have perfectionist tendencies.

*****************************************************************************************************************

Perfectionist? Me?

Well....maybe so.

{Ummmm--I'm not even going to tell you how many I answered either sometimes or yes to....but that whole 'unrealistic expectations considering my surroundings' one hit me hard. Like, expecting my house to not only be clean but, dare I say, shiny when I have three boys under five roaming around like herds of elephants through it everyday? Hmmmph.}

Truth be told, I know I am a perfectionist.

Duh. That's why I took the class. *snicker*

While it wasn't my favorite workshop, I did glean some good nuggets of information that I wanted to share with any other closet perfectionists who may be reading.

***When we live life obsessed with perfection, we often accomplish less.***

Boy, ain't that the truth?

Let me just use myself as the negative example here: Usually, I am not "happy" in the morning until my kitchen has returned to my definition of a "normal state" after breakfast. However, if I truly examined what I was trying to accomplish in the kitchen, "my definition of a normal state" would more appropriately be called "this kitchen needs to be spotless/perfect again before I can move on and do something else."

Of course, we all know that normally, a clean and shiny kitchen is accomplished about 12 minutes before lunch is about to roll around. And, when lunch rolls around, what happens? Things just get messy all over again.

Argh. It makes me crazy.

But it doesn't have to, and that is the point that I am trying to make.

Imagine what I could have accomplished if I weren't living in the perfectionist world, but rather the realistic one. How much time was devoted to doing something that was just going to get ruined again in no time?

I mean, I can clean up a general mess in the kitchen in about 15 minutes. But making it shiny....well, that takes slightly more effort. *grin*

What I am not trying to do here is excuse myself or anyone else from cleaning or any other chores (sorry ladies); but rather to change my mindset about why I am doing what I am doing and the way I go about accomplishing it.

I don't need to have a shiny kitchen--but a clean one is obviously a necessity. What I need to do is to clean up and get my work done so that I can move on to other, more important things. Like, for example, playing with/reading to/teaching my boys.

After all, we all know the saying that, when we get to heaven, it isn't going to matter how clean our kitchens were or if you could have eaten off of our floors--what will matter is if we made a difference in the heart of a child.

The kitchen is just one example, but I can think of many others in my own life. The important thing in this cleaning area is focusing on the bones of what truly needs to be done, and doing it well, rather than focusing on always achieving perfection, so that, in turn, our focus can be shifted to what really matters.

It's accomplishing the have-to's so we can get to the want-to's.

***We often say yes to too much. Taking on too much will only overwhelm and frustrate us; however, we do it anyway because we don't want anyone to think "She can't handle it...."***

The season of toddlers is an overwhelming season of life--especially if you have more than one roaming your house. This is a time of life when we most likely will need to sit back or sit out of activities. We, as wives and mothers, need to make sure our focus is on making ourselves available for our husband (who generally gets neglected at the end of a day filled with screeching children with numerous demands), our children (quality time, not just time spent fulfilling a need), and most importantly, our relationship with Christ.

Those three things are usually the quickest to end up at the bottom of the proverbial pile when we are taking on too many responsibilities or activities--even good activities, such as church-related or volunteer work.

***Do less, but be more effective. Find a plan that works for you, and follow it.***

Now, our speaker gave the plan she has designed for herself, but the most important thing is to make a plan that works for you and your family. We all have different jobs, needs, kinds and numbers of children, financial situations. Your plan has to work for your family, and that's it. A few of the things she mentioned that I liked and thought would be good to implement in our family:

1. Family doesn't get the "time leftovers". Family time should come first in your scheduling, rather than just being fitted in between the cracks of everything else. This might include anything from family game nights to family devotions.

2. Make one great, home-made meal each week. The rest should still be yummy, but easy and quick! I really liked this one, because I have always tried to make it a point to make special (and not-always-so-easy) meals for my family each weeknight.

Now, granted, we do have our chicken nugget/mac-n-cheese nights every once in a while, but generally, I cook something different every night of the week. I plan a three to four week menu that includes a different dinner for every night, and then I do a big grocery shopping trip and get everything I need all at once.

You heard me right--I grocery shop, on average, once a month.

It is a huge undertaking, but it benefits our family greatly in that I am not at the store (and that translates into less impulse buying!) once or twice or more times each week. It saves money, it saves time, and at any given time during that three/four week period, I know that I can go to my fridge/pantry and have everything I need to make several different meals. We always get a great variety that way.

{Now, before I get questions about this, let me just say that I do have an extra fridge and an extra deep freezer; I also do have to make a couple of quick stops at my local grocery for milk and/or fresh fruits and veggies, since they don't stay good for that long.}

My new plan is to actually keep my same grocery shopping strategy--'cause I love it and it works for us!--but incorporate simpler foods into my menu each week. So, for the week, I hope to plan: one family favorite; one crock-pot meal; one 'home style' meal that takes a bit more effort than normal; and the rest will be easy, quick things that I can have from the fridge to the table in under 30 minutes! I'm loving it already, by the way...

3. Laundry: everyone helps. Even the smallest children can be taught to put clothes in a hamper, and bigger ones can help by taking dirties to the laundry room or sorting whites from darks. Just like with anything else, when everyone pitches in a little bit, the job gets done much more efficiently.

The bottom line is that perfectionists like order and control, and life is just not like that. Life is messy. {Life with a husband and three boys five and under is very messy, by the way.} My wants are not what needs to be at the center of my decision making, but rather what Jesus would want for me and my family!

No one person can always do all the jobs it takes to be a 'great mom'. There will be areas where we are great, but there will be many areas where we are much weaker.

And that is where it all falls back to Jesus: Paul says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.'" (II Cor. 12:9)

Isn't it wonderful to know that God can use us through our weaknesses?

Yeah....I thought so, too.

{p.s. I'd love to hear any feedback you other perfectionists might have!}

MOTHERS

Making

Others'

Time

Here on

Earth

Reeeeeeeeeeally

Special

The conference was amazing....so, so much more to come!!!

Hearts at Home

Tomorrow, I am headed off to a conference!

I'm very excited. I've been to lots and lots of conferences before, but they have all been work related--PartyLite work, that is.

I say, "but they have all been work related" as if this conference is not work related; but, truly, for me, it is. It is intrinsically related to my most favorite 'job' of all--being a wife and a mommy.

The mission of Hearts at Home is to encourage, educate, and equip women in the profession of motherhood. What could be better than 48 hours of girl time, learning how to be a better wife and mother?

In my book, not much.

Well....maybe sitting in an Italian Ristorante gorging myself with eating authentic Tuscan cuisine with my Hubby sans children while on an exclusive 2-month cruise of the Mediterranean....

"This is the night.....it's a beautiful night....and they call it Bella Notte....."

Name that movie. $250 in Merritt Money.

{Hello? Would someone get this woman back on track please? Sheesh. How easily I am distracted....}

In the *ahem* real world, not much could be better than increasing my knowledge of these two subjects that I am so passionate about.

So, tomorrow morning (at 5:15 a.m., no less--ACK already on the lack of sleep!!) I am headed off with six of my good friends. The Man of the House will be caring for the Little Men of the House, and I will miss them all dearly.

{I wonder if they will miss me? I wonder--with the loads and loads of fun that will be had--if they will even know I am gone? *giggle*}

I can't wait to come back and hopefully share some of the things I learned with many of you other mommies.

Talk to you in a few days--have a MAH-velous weekend!!