Snow adventures

A couple of weeks ago, we here in Catlin got a LOT of snow.

Like, 8 inches, or close to that. It was our first 'big' snowstorm.....it was so pretty coming down, and they boys were just aching to get out there and play in it.

Colin and Cameron haven't really 'played' a lot in the snow--they are still little yet, and of course, I can't take them out there because I have Ethan to worry about. He can't go out in the snow! (A side note here: in all actuality, Ethan is just a wonderful little excuse for me. I do not enjoy the cold, and especially do not enjoy playing out in it.....I am so glad I have to stay in with him!)

Anyway, back to the boys and their begging....it was a great thing (for me!) that their Daddy was home that day! Shane agreed to take them out and play, so I began the bundling process. Four shirts, three pair of pants, two pair of socks, one hat, one pair of boots, one coat (with another hat) and 27 minutes later, they were ready to go! What a site.

The boys, ready to go!

Cameron, just....well, being Cameron!

Colin, performing his first snow angel

Cameron, with Daddy's help, copying Col's angel

Colin was truly enjoying himself. He thought this was just the greatest thing. Cameron, on the other hand, thought that this was all sort of neat, but did NOT like getting snow on his gloves or his face. If that did happen, he would go walking over to Shane, calling for him to "help me, Daddy!" It was really cute, and despite him not being very sure of the whole thing, he hung in there for a good length of time.

They were really enjoying themselves for a while.....

As the boys began to tire of just 'playing' around in the snow, Shane had a bright idea. Build a snow mountain!

Colin especially thought this was the coolest thing! He immediately turned it into a sliding apparatus, climbing to the top and going down on his belly!

Cameron really didn't get the hang of it--you can hear him in the video (at the bottom of the post) saying, "Don't know how!" when I told him to take a turn going down! So, Daddy decided to 'help', and loaded Cameron at the top of the mountain, and poised him to go down, just like his big brother! (Meanwhile, I am seeing disaster written all over this)

This was the result. Just as I suspected....

....he was not a happy camper.

That was basically the end of the outside adventure for Cameron. He really never recovered from the face-plant. They all played for a couple more minutes, while I ran inside and whipped up some hot chocolate for all three of them.

Cameron's hat head

Here is some video, shot through the window, as were all of the pictures (I was certainly not going outside to take the pics!)



Ah, a day that gave us many memories!

Brotherly love

I am so blessed to live in a multiple-child house. My boys, like all children, have their "moments", but for the most part, they are really soooo good with each other.

This was the scene at my house last night: I had 14 things going on at once--typical--so I fixed a crying Ethan a bottle and laid him down on a blanket on the living room floor. I rushed to grab the ringing phone....and 2 minutes later came back into the room to find Colin and Cameron both lying there on the blanket with him....just as snuggly as could be.

Colin was singing to him, and "helping" him hold his bottle (Ethan really can do it all by himself, but Colin takes pride in being a very helpful big brother)......

......and Cameron was rubbing his belly.

Both boys, being cuddly with their baby brother

Soooooo cute, I could hardly stand it. I managed to sneak into my office, grab my camera, and snap a couple shots before they realized I was watching. The moment was fleeting, however, because Eagle-Eye Colin spotted me lurking in the corner snapping away. It was so cute while it lasted!

a Virtual Blessing

Living in a virtual world is a really amazing thing.

This blogging thing has led me to all kinds of places and people. I have been able to catch up with high school and college friends, and keep up on the day-to-day happenings of far away family members. It has been great!

Do you ever blog-jump? You know, go on a blog of someone you know, and then just start clicking on their links to see where it takes you?

Well, I have.

And, hence, the reason for this post.

A couple of weeks ago, I was on my sister-in-law Karie's blog. From there, I clicked on to one of her friends, which I knew was a girl from Maranatha--the college that I went to (along with Karie). I thought, maybe her blog would lead me to some other people from MBBC as well. It didn't; however, just that day, Karie's friend had posted something about praying for a family that she knew that was going through a really difficult time. They had just lost their baby daughter, who was only 8 days old.

I was intrigued. I had to click that link. I wanted to see what had happened to this baby.

That was when my eyes were opened to something (and some people) that have blessed me beyond words.

I clicked on this link, and it led me to a 27-year-old mother of two named Boothe Farley. She had literally just days before lost her 2nd daughter to a disease I had never heard of: Trisomy-18.

I read, and read, and read. And the tears flowed heavily as I did.

I went back many months of posts, and read about her finding out about her pregnancy, and all the emotions that went along with that as she and her husband had had difficulty conceiving. I read about her going in for a routine sono, like so many pregnant women do, and finding out that her baby was different....her baby was sick. Her new daughter was going to be born with one extra chromosome, and it was going to make her body not be able to function properly. And, then, of course, I read about all of the emotions that came with that diagnosis. I read about the months of anticipation, of her waiting for the "birth day" (many of these children do not make it to that day). I read about baby Copeland making it through the birth, and about the eight days that they were so grateful to have had with her. I saw pictures and video of her and the family. I read about the funeral. And now, I continue to read, as she continues to blog about life after her loss and where to go from here with the new reality she and her family have been given.

Her blog has, in turn, led me to several other Christian families that are also coping with this disease. Some have already lost their children. Poppy Joy lived 3 hours; Copeland lived 8 days; Madeline lived about 12 hours. Some have children who are currently, miraculously, living with this disease (the oldest child I have seen was 99 days old.) Tristan has made 31 days today. And some--the ones who have impacted me the most--who are currently expecting children with T-18. Baby Eva Janette is due in March, baby Maddox is due in February, and baby Mary Grace is due in about three weeks. "Yikes", I think to myself. "Now that is a scary reality to be facing."

But do you know what they all have in common?

They are all so thankful to God for the opportunity to have had these children, and grateful for the impact that these babies have had on their lives, and the lives of so many others--who, like I have, follow their blogs from afar.

Reading about these children and their parents, and more importantly, reading how these parents are handling this seemingly insurmountable earthly trial with grace and joy has taught me some very valuable lessons in the last couple of weeks.

You would think that somewhere, in at least a couple of these women, there would be some sort of bitterness....some sort of anger at what has happened to their family and their children.

From what I can see, there isn't one shred of that within any of these families.

I am not saying that there have not been tears--lots of them--and not moments of weakness where they have wondered, "Why, God, did you choose me to go through this?" They have faced what many think is the 'unthinkable'--burying their infant children--and by their words I know they have cried millions of tears between them.

But they are able to grieve with JOY. With HOPE.

Joy in knowing that their children who have gone on to heaven before them are now whole--no longer sick, no longer suffering. Hope in the fact that they will see them again some day. And what a wonderful reunion that will be.

But they still grieve for the child that they will never get to see grow up....and I know that, despite their heavenly joy and hope, their earthly grief is still very real, and present everyday.

I know that, because it is exactly what I am going through right now.

But, I am so much better than I was a week ago. Two weeks ago. Three weeks ago. And I am better, in part, because of these families--their struggles and their testimonies. See, God gives strength to get through everything. I knew that in my head. But it was hard to feel it in my heart. Three weeks ago, I never thought I would get through.

Talk about walking through the valley of the shadow of death. But God has led me through. I feel, truly, as though now He is leading me beside the still waters, and restoring my soul. (Psm. 23) Things were rough.....now they are smoother.

Notice I said smoother....not smooth.

I would still appreciate your prayers for me. I still have my moments (lots of them) of weakness, but God is faithfully showing me how drawing closer to Him in these times makes things so much more 'do-able'.

You may have noticed the new sidebar on my blog that says, "Praying for..." These are the families that I have been telling you about. Talk about encouraging reading. If you have a few spare moments, you should click over and see what I am talking about. I promise, it will not be time wasted.

More so, however, I would love it if you would add these several families to your prayer list. I know that there are a million diseases, a million causes out there--but this is one that has impacted and forever changed me and my outlook. I am so thankful to God for that, and for these families. I pray that one of them will encourage you, as they all have encouraged me.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stall, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. " Habakkuk 3: 17-18

A message for you

Colin and Cameron (who is pantless again in this video--just remember that we are potty training!) just wanted to tell everyone.....

(Since Ethan didn't make the video, here is a shot of him from today!)

God has blessed our family so much this past year, and we are so grateful to Him for watching over our family and providing for everything we need on a daily basis. Happy New Year to you all, and may God's blessings be abundant to you in 2008!

Days of Festivities, part two

Christmas morning, we got up....got ready....and opened presents!!

The family

Cameron got a new veggie video!

Colin did too!

Ethan, dancing to the newest veggie tale video!!

Ethan, eating the mistletoe (don't worry, it was fake)

Colin, less than thrilled about opening socks--until he realized that there was super cool AIRPLANES on them!!

Ethan, playing with Cameron's new truck

What could be in this huge box??

A new basketball hoop!!

(By the way, let it be known that the boys love this toy.....but nowhere near the amount that their dad does)

Cameron, on "present overload" :-)

Grandma joined us for Christmas brunch and more presents!

Her new CARS blankie was a big hit with Ethan. It passed the thumb test! (He only sucks his thumb when he has his 'special' blankie)

Two little reindeer....wait, that's Colin and Cameron!!

It was a great day spent with our boys and our family!

Two days after Christmas, on the 27th, my Grandma Franzi (mom's mom) turned 88 years old. We all went over to Aunt Karen's to celebrate....more presents (for her, of course) and cake--just what we needed, more junk food!

This picture really doesn't have much to do with anything, except for the fact that I took it on Grandma's birthday--I just like it because I think Ethan and I look a lot alike in it!

Mom, Grandma Franzi, and me

Happy Birthday Grandma and Granny--we love you!
We had a wonderful Christmas week. Hope you did too!

~The Merritts~

Days of Festivities, part one

This year, Christmas at the Merritt house lasted a few days.

We got a wonderful gift of a brand new niece on the 22nd! Roger and Aimee (my brother and sister-in-law) welcomed Olivia Ann at around 11:30 p.m.--our first Christmas blessing! She is so precious--you have to check out some pics on their website if you have a minute!

For our family, we began letting the boys open small presents from their stockings a couple of nights before Christmas...and then Christmas Eve day, they got to open several 'under the tree' presents, as Colin was calling them. With lots of grandparents and extended family (plus Mommy and Daddy) giving them presents this year, we had enough to open on both days!

Anticipation of what was inside of those beautifully wrapped presents was just eating away at Colin! He was so excited when we said he could finally open some!

Magnetic Numbers for the Fridge--thanks Grandpa Danny and Amy!

Cameron, opening his first present.......oh, what could it be......

.....A set of puzzles!

YES!!!!

Daddy decided to do a little pre-Christmas cleanup....here are the boys watching him out the back slider door. (He was burning some stuff, and they love to watch that--they are pyros like their mom!) I just thought this one was so cute with all three of them standing there!

That evening, we all got ready and headed out to our church for our annual Christmas Eve Service and Cantata. Here are the boys just before we left to go, in front of our tree--looking so handsome if I may say so!

We had a really wonderful Christmas Day this year--lots of pics still to come!

Encouragement....

May I just say, THANK YOU.

Thank you all, each one of you who have left the most wonderful encouraging comments on my most recent post. You all have probably no idea how much your words have meant to me--I may explain just the impact that they have had in another post, but now is not the moment for that. Nevertheless, thank you ALL so much.

My friend Paul just wrote some great encouragement on his blog. Though not intended just for me, this really hit me close to home. (If you haven't read my 'NEWS' post, you should do that first so that you will understand what is going on.)

These two things (Paul's words and this video) are SOOOOO worth your time--they will take you probably a total of 4 minutes to read and view. I hope you will take just a moment to click on his link and read his brief but highly encouraging post. Thanks, Paul.

He also had the most wonderful video that I am posting as well.




Logan is a 13 year-old boy who lives on a ranch in a very small town in Nebraska. Logan listens to Christian Radio station 89.3FM KSBJ which broadcasts from Houston, TX. Logan called the radio station distraught because he had to take down a calf . His words have wisdom beyond his years.


These two things were a big encouragement to me at the moment--hope they are to you, as well, even if you aren't in the midst of a difficult 'providence'.

News

I've been waiting for a few weeks now to post some family 'news'.

I've decided that tonight is the night that I am going to share it; however, the events of this past week have drastically changed that very news. (Disclaimer: you are in for a lengthy post here.)

I am going to give the most condensed, blog-appropriate version I can tonight, which will leave many details out. But you will still get the main part of what has happened.

Shane and I found out at the end of October that we were expecting baby #4. We--well, I for sure--had some very mixed emotions, as I am sure many women do with most pregnancies: I was scared, overwhelmed, incredulous (simply because of the measures that we were taking to prevent this very thing from happening); yet, once I had a few days to take in and process all the information, very happy and excited at the thought of another addition to our household. I didn't believe for one minute that I was really ready, but talked myself into the fact that the baby wouldn't be here for at least seven months, and by then, I would be fine and a new baby would be a welcome and wonderful gift!

We told Shane's family at Thanksgiving--both of Shane's brother's wives are also expecting (Aimee is due in three days, and Karie is due in March) with their second babies, so we took a picture, all three of us 'expectant mommies-to-be', and had great fun envisioning what next Thanksgiving was going to be like, with not FIVE babies, but EIGHT!!

We told my family, and our church family....everyone was so excited for us, of course. Our excitement was really building as well. Everyone kept saying, "maybe this will be your girl!" I, personally, could care less the sex of this child--it really did not matter to me one way or the other....but I just couldn't wait to find out!

We were scheduled to go for my first appointment and sono this past Thursday, and I had all these plans--I was going to put the sono pictures up on the blog as my big announcement!

It is amazing how fast life changes. How your big plans sometimes are not God's big plans. And how, for some reason or another, that is always for our ultimately greater good and His glory, He has to gently (and sometimes, not so gently) pull those plans away from you.

On Tuesday night, I began bleeding. After three pregnancies, I obviously knew this was not a good sign. This continued off and on thru the night, and increased on Wednesday morning. We called my doctor and they were able to get me in right away for a sono. I went thru the morning with two thoughts--1. Everything is going to be fine! After all, I know lots of women who have had spotting and bleeding and went on to have perfectly fine pregnancies! and 2. Everything is going to be fine, right? I mean, nothing will really happen, right? Shane said to me on the way over, "Are we just at this point hoping for a heartbeat?" To which I replied, "Pretty much." But I thought, there is no way....nothing could be wrong, really.

With many sonograms under my belt, I knew as soon as I saw the screen--there was no flashing. Which meant, no heartbeat. I immediately got choked up, and said to the sono tech (which, if you have ever had a sono before, you know that they are never supposed to discuss anything with you about what they see--they are required to let the doctor do that), "I don't see anything flashing. There's no heartbeat is there?" He looked at me, and said, "I'm really not supposed to say (this was, by the way, the kindest man, and the best sono tech I have ever had). I started crying, and looked at him, and said thru my tears, "It's okay. I've seen enough of these to know what I am looking at. You can tell me. There's no heartbeat, is there?"

To which, he looked at me and said quietly, "No, I am sorry, there is not."

I will spare you the details of the last several days. There have been many, many tears, lots of hurting (both emotionally and physically, as the 'labor' and passing of the baby was most of the day Thursday), and lots of questioning.

Questioning myself: Did I do something wrong? Did I cause this? Did God take this baby away from me because I was so unsure of this pregnancy, and scared at first, and not as excited as I was supposed to be? Like, maybe from my reaction, that God thought I didn't want this baby, and therefore, I didn't deserve this baby?

Questioning my own 'untouchableness' (for an absolute lack of a better word that fits): I can't believe that this happened to me. This happens to other women. I have had three normal, completely healthy pregnancies. This wasn't supposed to happen. I mean, I thought--you get pregnant, you have a baby. That's just the way it works. As any woman that hasn't had this happen to them probably always does think. What is sad, to me though, is the fact that I have had MANY friends and family members touched by this very same situation--and that reality still didn't really ever make it through to me. Unfortunately, I know now from personal experience that that is NOT the way it always works.

Questioning God: Why would He ever even allow me to get pregnant, and go through all of the emotions and everything that I did, and come full circle to actually being excited at being a household of six, only to take this child away? I mean, if He didn't want me to have this baby, why allow the pregnancy in the first place?

After several days of searching, I think I know the answers to many of those questions. I didn't do anything to cause this. The reason why will probably never, ever be known this side of heaven. God didn't do this out of spite--like, "Well, you just weren't as elated as you are supposed to be, so.....ZAP, baby's gone. Better be happier next time." He just does NOT work like that.

However, I comprehend, more than I ever have, the things that I have always said--the making of a child, from start to finish, is an absolute miracle. There are so many things that have to happen, it is nothing short of a miracle, and I believe it only happens because the Creator of the whole world is watching every minute, making sure everything does go just the right way.

It is, also, an amazing gift. Not something we do ourselves, but something God gives us. If you know Shane or I very well, you have probably heard us joke about how fertile we are--"we just breathe on each other, and we are pregnant!" That, up to this point, has been the absolute truth. But it may not always be. We don't know if that may have been our last child, or if from now on, we aren't able to have any more. It sure changes the way your outlook is. It's not so much of, "well, if we want another one, we can always have one!" but, "I pray that if we decide we do want another child someday, God is gracious enough to grant us that gift."

Ultimately, I know that this is somehow, absolutely for my greater good. For my family's greater good. I can't fathom that--don't understand HOW that could be--but I don't have to. I just am choosing to accept it as truth, because I know that it is. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things, God works for the GOOD of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." (NIV)

It doesn't make the hurt go away, though. Doesn't make me forget this loss, this giant hole I feel inside of me right now.

May I be so selfish as to ask for your prayers for me, and Shane as well? I sure would appreciate that. Even for little Colin, who was so excited to meet this baby "when it got warm outside." We have explained the truth to him, that Jesus took this baby to heaven to live with Him--but that is a hard truth for a 4-year-old to grasp. He doesn't mean to upset me, but it is hard to hear him ask things like, "When is Jesus going to bring the baby back?" He is so loving, and gentle--praying for Jesus to help me to feel better, and not be sick anymore; and bringing me a Kleenex when I am crying, and saying, "Mommy, I love you. Have my tissue to make you feel better. There is a little bit of snot on it from me though." :-) He can make me cry and smile, all at the same time. I am sooooo blessed. Shane also has been wonderful through all of this, and is doing his best to understand all of my emotions, but I know it is hard for him, too.

I am not sure really how to get through all of this, but time, as they say, helps. I know that each day that goes by, I will feel a little better, a little less sad.

But there will always be a giant part of me that is missing. I will never forget.

Baby Merritt, 12-12-07

Caught on Camera

I've managed to capture a few really cute moments on camera in the last few days. Thought I would share!!

Colin, at the top of the ladder while "working with Daddy"

Cameron, just being so cute I had to take a picture--him and that blanket!

And, all three boys, just looking so sweet together!

Happy Holidays?

My dad sent this to me in an email, and I thought it was worthy of a post. Enjoy, and remember to reflect on the true meaning of this time of year!


Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.

Why the Politically Correct Police had taken away
The reason for Christmas? No one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

"It might hurt people's feelings," the teachers would say
December 25th is just a "Holiday."
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks, and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X-BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Targets were hanging their trees upside down,
At Lowe's the word Christmas was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace.

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate "Winter Break" under your "Dream Tree"
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me:

Choose your words carefully,
Choose what you say,
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS,
not Happy Holiday!

The laughs never stop

Cameron....

Oh, this child just keeps me in stitches. The things he comes up with are just sooooo funny.

First, the other day, he got into the winter hats, which I have stored in cubbies in the boys' closet. He picked the funniest looking one and has been wearing it around the house for 3 days now. Yesterday he walked over by some of the Christmas decorations (where we took pics a couple of days ago) and said to me, "take picture, Mommy?" So, I did.

He is working really hard on potty training right now, and is doing quite well with it. I am finding that the more I keep him in "big boy pants", the better he does....and he really thinks that he is hot stuff when he gets to wear them.

(Something funny to mention here--when we started him out wearing undies for practice, I just reached into Colin's drawer for a pair. I pulled them up....and they were way too tight. In fact, he actually said to me, "too ti, Mommy, too ti!! I had to go to my stash of 'next-sized' undies, which were put away for Colin, for him! I just thought that was so funny....Colin has been wearing 2T-3T underwear for 2 years and Cameron is starting off in a 4T! Oh, each child is so very different.....)

Anyway, the other night I asked him if he wanted to wear big-boy pants. Of course, he said yes, and immediately said, "Cars?" We have a few pairs of Cars undies, and those are his favorites. So, I put him in Mater, and he promptly walked into the living room, over to the Christmas tree, and again requested that I take pictures of him. So.....I did.

Now, this one is the kicker......when I asked him to show me who was on his pants so I could take a picture, he did this:

Point illustrated.

It was inevitable....

that we were to become a mini-van family.


Our explorer was great looks-wise, but it was not the greatest on gas mileage or kid-friendliness. It wasn't the easiest loading all three boys into it, plus--we had no additional room for anyone to ever come with us in our car! Since my mom is around quite a bit, and for the other reasons mentioned above, the explorer was just becomining more and more impractical.



So, several months ago, we began the process of starting to search for a mini-van. We looked, and priced, and even test-drove, but never came to one that we knew was "it."



Enter Shane's Aunt Deanna and Uncle Alan, who live in Missouri and just so happened to own a 2006 Dodge Grand Caravan (exactly the model we knew we wanted, but newer, nicer than we thought we could afford, and with less miles!) When we went down in August and Deanna mentioned that she was getting a new car with her job and this one was on the market.....we couldn't believe our ears!




Jump ahead three months, and you find the Merritt family proudly driving this very mini-van. It is great, and we loved it from the first time we drove it! This picture is of Colin and Cameron, on the way home from Thanksgiving (Alan and Deanna so graciously drove the van from Missouri to Chicago for us so that we would not have to go and get it--thanks so much both of you!). You can't see Ethan; we originally had him in the seat right behind the driver, but we have already moved him to be back with the other two boys, and have stowed both of the middle seats. It is so easy to manuever around in, and has so much room.



We are so fortunate that God worked all of this out for us, to be able to get this nice of a van at the price we did was, quite literally, close to miraculous, and we are so grateful!