Monday, July 14, 2008

Wal-Mart hates me

Checked that I had everything I needed: camera--check; receipt--check; components of camera--check

Went to Wal-Mart to take back my camera

Asked the door greeter if I needed to take the camera to electronics to return it instead of to customer service

She said, "No. Take it to customer service"

Went to customer service

See 5 people in line in front of me with one cashier

Groan....groan again

Wait in the line because I had no choice

Cameron starts saying, "I gah go pee, mommy"

"I'll take you as soon as we are done, Cam" I say

Wait

"I gah go really bad" Cameron says

"I know, buddy....just another couple minutes" I say

Wait

"I gah-ha-ha go reeeee-heee-heeeeeaaaalllly bad!" Cameron says

"I know, buddy....I know! Hang in there" I say

Wait some more

Finally (after 20 minutes) it's my turn

"Hi there, I need to return this camera" I say

"Sorry, you need to take this to electronics" she says

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME

Grandma MJ comes to the rescue to take Cameron potty

Cameron's having to go #1 turns into having to go #2

SICK, in a public restroom--UGH

Cameron, somehow in this process, pee-pees all over himself and the back of his shorts (don't ask me how)

Grandma MJ asks "Do you have another pair of shorts I can change him into?"

"UH.....NO, I don't"

Cameron continues shopping with Grandma MJ in half pee-pee soaked shorts

Take my camera to the electronics department

Tell lady what's going on

"No problem," she says

Opens my box

"Uh oh," she says

"Oh no.....what?" I say

"Do you have the AA batteries that came with this?"

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME

"Yes, I do.....(oh, no....oh, no, no, nooooooooo).......they are sitting on my desk back at my house" (which, incidentally, is 25 minutes AWAY from Wal-Mart)

"I'm sorry, I can't take this back without all the components" she says

Begin meltdown mode because this situation is all my fault--I totally looked right over those stupid batteries

"Can I buy a new set of batteries? Is there a manager or someone who might be able to help, and take them back anyway?"

Tell her my sob story of this camera, and how I rarely get out (especially not to come to this wretched place) with my three boys 4 and under, hoping she or her manager will have some mercy on me

Manager says NO

I want to throw a fit and fall on the ground kicking and screaming like a 2-year-old cry, but I turn and leave the electronics desk, absolutely and positively defeated

Cameron begins to whine about having to go pee-pee again

"Mommy take you in a minute" I say, since we are ALL the way across the store

Grandma MJ comes to the rescue again to grab Cameron and take him potty

Cameron starts crying

Cameron didn't make it to the potty

Now Cameron is shopping in completely pee-pee soaked shorts, plus pee-pee soaked underwear, socks and the insides of his shoes

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

Finish my shopping as fast as I could

Stand in the checkout for waaaaaay too long

Cameron (and now Colin) has to go pee-pee again (seriously.....WHAT did this kid drink?)

Grandma MJ to the rescue again

Check out

Get to the car as fast as possible

Strip off Cameron's shorts and underwear

Plop him in car seat buck naked from the waist down

Realize as I am buckling him in in his 5-point-harness (think about that for a moment) that this could prove to be very uncomfortable for him

Decide to do the only thing I could: use one of Ethan's diapers to at least cover his you-know-what

Size 3 diaper on my 37 pound 2-year-old?

Yeah--right

Barely got the tapes on.....but we did it

Re-load Cameron into his car seat

Cameron reaches for his drink

I snatch that drink away from him faster than you can say pee-pee

"NO MORE DRINK" I say

Load Ethan in his car seat

Realize he has soaked through his shorts, too

Strip his shorts off and add them to the pile of pee-pee soaked clothing

Change his diaper

Head for home

10 minutes in....Ethan makes me a present in his diaper

No other diaper to change him into because it's in use by his 2-year-old brother at the moment

Ethan sits in his present till we get home

Ethan begins crying about 10 minutes from home

NOTHING I COULD DO

FEELING TERRIBLE FOR MY BABY

More crying

Turn up the radio to try to drown out the sound of his crying distract him with the music

That worked and he stopped crying

Poor Ethan now has a slight diaper rash from sitting in his present

Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**********************************************************************************************************

It's 10:00 p.m. and everyone is clean, dry, 'desitin-ed' (where appropriate), in their own clothes and in their own bed

I am exhausted

And I hate my camera

And I hate Wal-Mart.

THE END

8 comments:

Paul Fuller said...

This is so stinkin' funny--mainly because I can identify so much with it!! It's not real funny in the moment, but when you look back, you're still thankful for the little farts (uh, I mean, darlings).

Julie said...

OH.MY.GOODNESS!!! What a trip! You'll get a giggle (and maybe a gag) out of this - we were doing our "secret project" and had the water turned off. The Jib started working on a #2. I always try to get her to the potty (because it's easier to clean up that way). So I rush her in, sit her down, and she does her "duty". The I remember the water is turned off. And we can't turn it on or there will be a flood. Ande had to go "fishing".

The End.

BTW, I hate having to return stuff, too!! At our Wal-Mart, there used to be a lady who would actually make me feel guilty for returning stuff! (She doesn't work Customer Service anymore...wonder why?? LOL)

Kara said...

I totally feel your pain...I laughed a little because what else can you do right! I am sorry...hopefully you can take it back tomorrow. I would watch the boys for you, but that might prove to be quite the trip :)

Rog & Aimee said...

ummmm. one question dev... where is colin with all of this besides having to go to the bathroom once? didn't he have anything to say about all of your troubles???? where are his words of wisdom? THat is why I don't go anywhere unless it is 10pm and both children are home sleeping with their father.

Karie said...

Oh my word-I laughed through that whole thing. So funny. I can't beleive Walmart would not take it back. Go ol' Walmart. Like the time they drained Jay's oil and put more transmission fluid in instead of oil and then when Jay's tranny went out they pretty much said "too bad". You know Jay that DID NOT fly. Gotta love them.

Anonymous said...

I am soooooo sorry! I did laugh (not out-loud) and thought back to times that my precious ones were that age and cooperating the same way! It never fails that when you really don't want to do something (return anything, speak with CS representatives [either in person or on phone, {BJU rep had me crying once--but that is a story in itself}] deal with potty trained/ing children in public by self) that something will go wonderfully wrong to make it a very unpleasant day! Rejoice in the fact that mom was there to help, and before you know it, you'll be sending the boys to the store to return things! Jackie will return anything, and deal with anyone! Dani has a stone cold heart when dealing with CS personell! It's great! I just give it to them, and viola! it's taken care of--and I didn't have to do it! Love to all!

The Boe's ~ said...

oh my that was so funny! I have to say that you were SOO fortunate to have your mom there with you! All that would have happened to me without help, I'm quite sure!! haha. I can't believe that about Walmart not taking your camera b/c of the batteries, what in the world, they take EVERYTHING back, even without a reciept!!!

Love the pictures on your side bar!!
Hop you have a better day tomorrow =)

jillybean said...

Oh my stinking word, that is so hilarious! I don't think I've ever had an incident quite that "hysterical" - only much milder cases (of course, I only have one, so when you triple the numbers, you get triple the fun). But even still, I could totally feel the chaos. it seems like all stories like that must involve Wal-mart at some level.